Daily Theosophy

This scattered his last hope to see her anytime soon. What he did not know then that the story was not really true, and that it was his mother herself who had become an alcoholic – for which she spend most of her money, and was now despised by her sisters. But even though he did not know that, he felt uneasy, and that it wasn’t good. Much later he received a letter about this from his mother’s brother – which of course came as another shock for Shano.

(41)

(Growing Sixteen)

Shano had very few people, or perhaps no one at all, who he trusted enough to talk to. But there was one, his chemistry teacher, a man of some 35 years old – so not too old, who was more soft-hearted and was always kind to Shano, and did not regard him as “different.” Shano and that teacher became kind of friends, and Shano would sometimes stay after school to discuss school matters with him, like problems with math or the complexities of the chemistry or physics lessons. The teacher would patiently answer him his questions and explain him the problems – with the result that Shano got significantly higher marks. Also the teacher tended to round up Shano’s chemistry marks, whereas most teachers would round the marks off. A bond of confidence grew between them, and Shano started to tell him all about his mother and father, the situation at home and his stepmother, and other things that had happened, and how he often had been maltreated by his schoolmates. The teacher invited him even at his home, to be able to talk more deeply about Shano’s psychological struggles. And that is what happened. He told about ‘being different’ and being excluded, about his parents, and about the problems between his parents and the horrible ‘new mother.’ But that he wanted to be a good person and not make the same mistakes, and work for a better world. He also told about his loneliness and about his habit of masturbation (of which he thought that he had to be ashamed), trusting that the teacher would be open enough to listen to his secrets, and would not become angry. The teacher was not angry at all, but seemed indeed very interested. He stroke Shano over his hairs and looked at him smilingly. “So you do that?” he said. “I also do.” Then suddenly he composed himself and said:

“But let me now explain you the math problem we have not finished yesterday.” Shano agreed. So they solved the math problem. But the teacher’s mind seemed to be somewhere else – though he did his best not to show it. Then Shano, who had become sixteen, went home on his new motorbike. The next day he did not see his teacher because he had no chemistry that day. Also the next day he had no chemistry, but the teacher just walked along the classroom for geography when Shano came out, and he took him apart and said: “Shano, why don’t you come to my house tonight and share a good meal with me. Then we can discuss your problems. Shano found it a bit strange, because he had never dined with his teacher, and he had to call his “parents” first. They didn’t object. The teacher, who had no wife, had cooked wonderfully like a first-class cook. Shano thought that was because of his experience with chemistry. The teacher asked whether he wanted a glass of wine. Shano had never drunk wine, because in the culture where his (real) parents came from, drinking alcohol was not usual. But he didn’t want to frustrate the teacher, so he took it, and liked it, and got another one and another one. The teacher had taken six glasses in that same time. “So, come here,” the teacher said, and drew him to the middle of the room. “You said that you have a problem with masturbation, didn’t you?” “Well, yes, not very much” said Shano timidly. Even during the meal the teacher had taken of his shirt. It was indeed terribly warm that day, and so Shano had done the same. Shano had thought to discuss the behavior of his stepmother with his teacher, who seemed to gain more and more power over his father. But the teacher loosened the top button of his pants, and that of Shano. Shano felt awkward but did not resist. Suddenly the teacher pulled his own pants and his pants open, and to Shano’s shock the teacher was not wearing underwear. His penis was almost 20 centimeters long. He put his hand in Shano’s underpants, pulled it done and took his male organ and started to make ‘milking’ movements with it. Shano shouted and beat the teacher in his face, but this one had him as strongly in his grip as atoms in an electrovalent bond. And the teacher even seemed to like to be beaten. Shano fought himself loose, but could go to no side. The doors were locked. The teacher gripped him again and tried to turn Shano on his stomach by pulling his sexual organ. He wanted to reach with his own penis the anus of Shano to put in there, but Shano fought like a tiger, and managed to turn round again. Finally the teachers sperm was squirted over Shano’s stomach and breast. It was more disgusting than anything Shano had ever imagined to exist in the world. Shano had heard about homosexuality, but he had nothing of that tendency himself, and had imagined that perhaps boys could love each other and girls could love each other and that would be equally fine as boys loving girls and girls loving boys, but for the rest it had never been his business, and so he was not prepared for anything. One more time the teacher pulled Shano to his breast, and he did not resist anymore. He said that in his whole life he had never loved anyone so much and so deeply as Shano, and that he hoped Shano would come back soon. But Shano had no intention in his mind to come back ever, or even to meet this teacher again for explaining his homework. He was allowed to take his cloths and leave.

Adi lived through all this in his dream, that means he saw everything that happened that evening with Shano. But for Shano it was not at all a dream, it was purest reality. It had been worse than a nightmare, but it was real for him. Adi had a very great feeling of pity for Shano, but he could not do anything. Adi realized that this was one of the consequences of giving these beings a mind and freedom to use it. He could not interfere with the thoughts and the life of either Shano or the teacher. But Adi could see much more. He could see the threads of history like the silk threads of a cobweb, and how every event that had happened now was connected with Shano’s in the past. He saw that Shano is a former life on Earth, more than a thousand years ago, had, when he was an adult, had raped, several times, young women, because his sexual appetites had been too strong for his mind to control. He had pressed the young women against the ground in a forest, stuffed her mouth so that she could not shout, and had with all his great physical power penetrated with his penis into their vagina’s. It had been the most hellish event in the girl’s life, but he did not realize that then. Then he had left the girl alone and run away, and go immediately to a far-off place so that by the time the women would have found the way back home, he would be unreachable. This created a strong thread towards the future, or rather a net of threads, issuing forth from the rising of his sexual craving, his mental decision to rape, his feeling of guilt, his lack of mind control because he knew that he was doing something he should not do, and then also the thread connecting him with the girl, and all the new threads that went out from the girl while she was going through that experience and how she felt and thought afterwards. Adi saw a direct thread between Shano-in-his-former-life raping a girl, and his being raped by the gay teacher now. Not that his mouth had been stuffed, but in stead the doors were locked. He had fought and lost, just as the girl then. He was left to his own feelings and he might be expelled from home or school if he would talk about it with anyone. But now, this particular thread had spend all its energy and this connection with the past was broken, Adi knew.

Actually “Shano” in that former life had been caught by the police – he had never in his whole life understood how they knew – and put in jail. Actually he had a legal wife also who loved him very much, and he loved her also, but when she came to know what he had done she left him. (This former wife became his mother in this life). He had understood that he could not go on with that lifestyle. He married again, had children and a good family life. He became interested in many cultural subjects and read and studied a lot of books. That also created threads to the future and resulted in Shano being quite intelligent and one of the best at school. He just could learn easily. So, while it had been one of Shano’s worst experiences in life, Adi saw that he would never rape a woman or even impose his will on somebody else in future. He had worked out this thread in his personal history. Because Adi could see a whole chain of former lives of Shano and all that he had done and thought ans aspired, he saw also that Shano had a good potential to become a real, helper of people and of humankind in general – after he would have would have ended some of his history threads, also called karmas, and he would become a serious and to some extend wise citizen in this life, understanding the other people’s inner problems and we would have a sincere way of listening to them – thanks to his difficult experiences and consequent hard thinking he had done in his young years in his present life. So, though full of pity for Shano, Adi saw that ultimately things had gone the best possible way and that future promised to be brighter, very much brighter indeed. More important even was that he saw a larger picture, and that Shano had long ago laid the cause for becoming a really great soul, and Adi’s main assistant – in the far future. But he had to work out some karmas first – and this life was one of last hurdles before Shano would really make great progress.

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(42)

(The Teacher Protected)

But Shano himself knew nothing about these “threads” who work according to the structured ways of Nature, stricter even than the law of gravity or those of electricity and magnetism