Daily Theosophy

Shano became more adult, and learned to be careful with what he said, but he never left the truth. Rather he said nothing, or things that he felt had to be said, he said in private.

(116)

(she)

But Shano had another destiny than his teacher, and it happened that he started feeling the urge to go traveling again. His mind could not explain why. After all he had found where he had been searching and hoping for his whole life. He had become a musician of the highest class At the same time he didn’t want to leave the family, and his profession, and the great contacts he had built with many musicians. It was difficult for all involved, and is was decided that Shano would become a traveling representative of his teacher’s business, and bring his instruments to other countries. So one day he left the town with a big load of instruments in a car provided him by his boss and friend. It needs no mention that he was successful, and brought home a lot of money. Moreover he earned a living of his own by playing concerts, mostly in open air in a natural environment, where hundreds, sometimes even thousands of people gathered to listen to him. But he was equally prepared to play for naught for one or two or three people only – deep inside he liked that more than the big performances. Because then he would feel what his listener or listeners felt, and he was not only playing his instrument, but was also playing their moods and emotions – and he always touched the highest, subtlest and most beautiful of their conscious or hidden feelings, and some cried of happiness when he played. It was as if merely listening to him solved their deepest problems, or made them aware that their feelings could dwell on a plane where their problems were insignificant – so that the gained in force and self-confidence. Many times Shano traveled to the East, even as far as to the ‘last town’ to sell and play instruments, and heard the eerie stories confirmed there. Nobody, including Shano, ever crossed the hills.

Shano being young and smart, naturally drew the eyes and ears of many girls, though this was never his specific intention. After he had left the place, many a girl wouldn’t sleep for nights, and fancy that he would come back to play for her alone. But that didn’t happen. Except once. Shano saw a girl, about his own age, though mentally a little bit older than he, he felt. She was so beautiful that in Shano’s eyes Shano she was Beauty itself incarnate. Everything about her seemed perfect: the clothes she wore, her humble necklace, the expressions of her face, her chin, her neck, her feet, her hips, her breasts, and she had a good taste in simple dresses. For her he would play more beautiful than ever, and a little less detached. He wanted to impress her. He loved her. And she liked him also, and therefore they met often together and talked about their lives, what they found important in life – for him it was music, philosophy, traveling and meeting wise and interesting people, and for her it was staying at places where help was needed, meeting people who she could help, and philosophy which she could immediately practice. Both had in common that they were quite happy, but were searching for something they didn’t know what. He also felt that she was hiding some secret for him, what made her all the more interesting, because Shano always wanted to unravel every secret. She never wanted to talk about the future, and if he tried she would sometimes come close to crying. Though he couldn’t stay with her in her house – they hadn’t reached the stage of telling her family – he came back to her town, which was ‘the last town’ as often as he could.

Finally came the great day. He would talk about her about the wish of his heart, and was sure she had the same wish. But what about the secret? But he was 95% sure. He proposed her.

She just looked – but he didn’t know whether her look expressed happiness of sadness, yes, or no. She embraced him, but even that didn’t convince him. Was she playing a game with him? Whatever it was, she was so charming. Then she sat down and pointed him to do the same. She said: “I can’t. I would love to, but I can’t. You are the only person I met in my life, and I am sure will met, to whom I would say yes. But it is not possible.” Shano didn’t believe his ears. “Why not … tell me what is wrong, I will certainly be able to tolerate it. Whatever problem you might have, I will always support you, and be on your side, even if … he hesitated … you can not have children and never embrace a man fully.” “That is not it,” she said, and a tear dripped down her cheek – the most beautiful tear on the most beautiful cheek ever, noticed Shano. “I have a duty,” she said. “But we can remain friends in our heart.” “But can you not fulfill that duty when you have a husband? Moreover I am quite successful in my business, and you don’t have to worry about duty. I will take care of you always. You will travel with me and see different countries.” She looked down, but didn’t waver from her standpoint. “I have a duty to my teacher, and that includes working always without self-interest. It includes celibacy and loneliness.” “So, that is the secret? You promised to marry that teacher? What kind of a guy is he?” “Don’t call him a ‘kind of a guy.’ He is not married and never will, and I see him only once in a few years.”

Despite all his traveling and international experience, and the piles of philosophy books he had read, the riddle only increased for Shano. “I have a task to fulfill, he told me, because I have promised” she said, and he answered: “And when will that task be done?” “He said it takes several thousands of years, and is only a training for a bigger task.” She looked at Shano. Shano looked at her. It took minutes, if not eternity. Shano’s mind raced, and he wanted to ask a thousand questions, but none of them reached his lips. Then slowly she took a silk veil, and pulled it over her face and her head. Her last look was one that meant more than all love in the world, but also as a goodbye more sad than any sadness in the universe. She turned around, and before Shano realized what happened she disappeared behind the corner. He never met her again in his life.

He even thought of suicide. Nothing in the whole world seemed to have any value anymore. The mountains were but bleak piles of stone rubbish. Lakes were just water. Even the unseen beings were sad, and completely unable to provide Shano the slightest consolation. Life had stopped to be functional. Never could he be happy again. His music would be no more than that of a professional touching strings. His kindness would no longer come from his heart, but would be mere formality. He was good enough to keep up his kindness for the world – he didn’t want to have any other creature suffer for him. But everything seemed gloom, the whole world artificially painted in chemical colors. It was the darkest, most miserable period in his whole life.

Or the best?

Shortly after she had turned around the corner with the veil over her face, he walked a few minutes to nowhere in particular, and sat down on the ground. Now that everything worth living for was lost, he felt a quietude, a silence of emotion, being in the ‘now’ only, without any thought of what to do or where to go, or plans or fears or hopes. Nothing was going on in his mind. But something had touched a deeper layer. A mystery. She had shown him that mystery exists. The mystery could not be solved by analysis, it was just silently there. He felt, not fully conscious as yet, that mystery was also his own path. An entirely new path, a real path, for which you don’t have to travel on roads or read books. He just sat there, his forehead on his knees, his arms folded around his head, his eyes staring to the earth. He sat there for a long time. Then he looked up. His mind started to work again and told him how miserable he was, that he had failed. Deep, deep within, he knew that his mind was only making up speculations. But at the time he listened to the speculations rather than to the truth.

He got up, and went to some shop to get something to eat. Money he had enough, earned by working for his boss, the instrument builder. He didn’t feel like going anywhere, but he also didn’t feel like staying where he was. So, naturally nothing happened and he stayed where he was. He was twenty-two now. He had not seen his parents for the last almost five years. He had kept in contact with his ‘grandparents’ in the city he lived now almost six years ago. He had told them about his travels and adventures. They always wrote back, and sometimes they talked together through the video computer he had in his car. They understood him, maybe not really, but at least they always felt sympathy for what he was doing, as if he was their own son. He had less contact with his parents, of course, because they lived isolated in the valley, without any other means of communication than by handwritten letters on a sheet of paper to be brought from and to the city by carriers. So he sometimes send a mail to his ‘grandparents’ who were happy to print it out and deliver it to some courier. It would reach his parents within a week or two. But about what had happened just now he didn’t feel like writing. At night, laying on his back on the bed of a small hotel, he decided that he didn’t want to continue his life as before. At least he wanted to be alone without business worries for some time. So he decided to just sell the few music instruments left in the car, and send a message to his boss that he needed a holiday for some time, explaining him what had happened. He even sold his own instrument on which he used to play daily for the people. He send a message and the money he owed to his friend and boss, and programmed the car to return home on its own. Once again Shano was a lonely wanderer, leaving events to what would come. And he started to walk East, where no further town or village existed. He wanted to be alone. He had no destination, he had no particular direction to go, he could choose any valley or mountain … still, deep within, he knew that there was a destination. He walked for days in eastern direction, high in the mountains, above the trees but below the snow, where there was only grass and herbs and boulders, and a blue sky most of the time, or some passing clouds, and an occasional rain shower. The nights were cold, sometimes stormy, but he had a good sleeping bag now. He was alone, had nobody to talk to, no music to play, but walked and walked to his unknown destiny. Was he sad or happy? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. The past had gone, the future hadn’t arrived, and he lived just in the now. His mind was too tired to think of the past or the future and of emotional events, but he was fully alert to every little movement of nature.

Shano had now entered the scary mountains where nobody should go.